ALLIES | ADVOCATE

Advocate

Have you ever been in a meeting where someone turns to you and asks you to take notes on the conversation?  If you are a woman, I bet this has happened to you more times than you can count.  This is one of those unconscious bias’ that seems to have persisted through the decades.  What make a woman more capable of taking notes than a man?  Nothing. 

If you are a man in the room and you observe this interaction, if you step in and offer to take notes, challenge the person handing out that specific task on their process of selection or come up with a neutral approach to selecting the daily note taker, then I would call you an advocate. 

When you are an ally and being an advocate, you work in the moment to observe behaviors that might either be excluding the minority representative in the room or singling them out. 

Very often when there is only “one of” a minority, a woman, a black, a native American, LGBTQ+ individual, etc, and there is some behavior directed towards that individual as consequence of their association with that group, the majority group will lean on that person to represent their group. An advocate, who is not also associated with that same group, will take intentional action in that moment to stand with the individual and or stand on behalf of the “group” so that the burden of representation does not unfairly fall onto the person who is a member of that group.

 

Tuning your sensitivity to when someone might either be excluded or singled out, takes practice. It also takes courage and intentionality.

Let me give you another example.  At the start of the meeting, very often there is chatter among participants.  That chatter can take the form of inclusive chatter that applies to everyone in the room or exclusive chatter that might be political or sports oriented or even child oriented that by the nature of the topic will exclude some participants in the room.  An advocate will take the action to notice those who are being excluded and will either work to shift the conversation to something more inclusive or point out, that the current discussion does not appear to be inclusive and suggest a new topic of discussion. 

This type of ally behavior is very subtle and can often go unnoticed by most of the people in the room.  Or sometimes this type of ally behavior can take a tremendous amount of courage on the part of the ally to speak up.  Either way, this behavior will always be noticed and appreciated by the individual who “in that moment” could use an ally. 

Tuning your sensitivity to when someone might either be excluded or singled out, takes practice.  It also takes courage and intentionality.  When an individual does work with intention to observe and act in this way routinely, it does get easier over time and mitigates that impact that these subtle and unconscious microaggressions can have on the minority representative – in my case, the only woman in the room.

I want to share the story about Melissa and Rune.  Melissa was a strong, competent leader in her field developing new and innovative ways to showcase how organizations could build profitable partnerships with Microsoft.  She was building content and concepts that could make meaningful impact on businesses and the CEOs that ran them.  But there were many times when Melissa was the only woman in the room, speaking and directing the conversation to a room full of male CEOs.  She would feel outnumbered and sometimes the responses would shake her confidence.  Rune was one of the CEOs in the room and an ally.  He practiced being an advocate.  He was attuned to look out for those microaggressions and moments when he could practice being an advocate.  I want to introduce you to both Melissa and Rune to share with you more about their story.

The many times that Rune acted as an advocate and ally to Melissa enabled them to form a strong working relationship.  Melissa is now the CEO of Crayon and Rune the co-founder has moved onto to focus on being the chairman of the board.  Thanks to the many years of allyship and sponsorship from Rune, and kudos to her leadership, Melissa is now successfully running and leading that organization onto transformation and innovation. 

Tell us, who are your allies?  What have they done to support you? 

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ALLIES | LISTEN

Allies listen to learn.
Allies listen to learn.

As part of my series on ALLIES, today we are going to talk about the first L in ALLIES, Listening.  What does it really mean to listen as an ally?

I would like to introduce you to two people who will share their story with you about how listening made a huge difference in building that ALLYSHIP.  My esteemed colleague, Mitra Best, who is an entrepreneur, technologist, future-maker and innovation leader. As PwC’s Technology Impact Leader, Mitra leads the application of advanced technologies to address critical environmental and societal problems.  Mitra has held leadership positions in innovation and technology for the past two decades, responsible for creating new technology platforms and business models that deliver results to organizations, the ecosystem of stakeholders, and the workforce. She has successfully led large-scale initiatives in both private and public sectors focused on sustainable new growth and efficiency models through innovative applications of technology.    Today, Mitra will share her story of allyship and how it has made a difference in her experience at PwC.

I would also like to introduce you to her ally, Tim Ryan who is US Chairman and a Senior Partner at PwC. Previously he served as the Vice Chairman, having responsibility for the PwC’s strategy function and stakeholder relationships including investor relations, regulatory affairs, public policy, corporate responsibility, marketing and sales and human capital. Tim has over 25 years of diversified experience serving clients in the financial services industry in the U.S. and internationally.

Both of these individuals have led impressive businesses and hold executive roles at PwC.  But we are going to play Monday morning quarterback and take you back to a time in their history when they were just connecting and the road that was paved by Tim’s intention to become an ally for Mitra.

let’s first talk about Listening.  What does it mean to listen with intention and become an ally through that listening?  There are several elements that a great listener employs:

  1. They listen to learn. They don’t listen to respond or listen to solve, but they listen generously with honest intention and curiosity to hear what the other person has to say.
  2. They ask questions – not to challenge the credibility of what that other person has to say, but to better understand their perspective
  3. Genuine listening requires focus, sincerity, empathy, a refusal to interrupt and a genuine value for the other person’s experience
  4. It means you quiet the other “chatter” in your head and become fully present for the other person
  5. It means you “check in” to ensure you have clarity and understanding of what they are saying
  6. It means you convey appreciation, interest and empathy for the other person’s perspective

Listening requires energy.  It is a valuable and intentional act.  When you genuinely listen to another person without trying to “solve” their problems but just to hear them, you build trust, respect and allyship.

In Mitra’s case, she says: “A male senior leader who “saw” me and the value I could bring as a software engineer to an accounting/business consulting firm, advocated for me with our Board and sponsored me to become the first-ever partner at PwC in a purely technology role, setting a precedent in the firm’s partner admission process and helping me crack a glass ceiling at the same time. “

When Mitra talks about “being seen”, she is talking about “being heard”.  To quote @Tarana Burke “we can’t see people if we don’t hear them”  –  when you don’t hear someone they become invisible.”

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ALLIES | LIFT

Allies lift others up.
Allies lift others up.

From an early age, women are socialized more often than men to mute their accomplishments, be overly self-critical and avoid self-promotion.  This is the phenomena that leads most women to avoid applying for jobs unless they believe they meet over 90% of the qualifications whereas men will typically apply if they meet just 60% of the qualifications and is what holds women back from negotiating for equal pay.  This lack of confidence leads many women to leave the technology field and in many cases never even enter it.

Linda Babcock, a professor of economics at Carnegie Mellon University and the author of Women Don’t Ask, has found, in studies of business-school students, that men initiate salary negotiations four times as often as women do, and that when women do negotiate, they ask for 30 percent less money than men do.

As part of my series on ALLIES, I want to share more insight about the second L in ALLIES, “Lift and why that is important to drive for gender equity.  

What allies do, is that they focus with intention to lift up the individual.  They help the individual to build their own self confidence through encouragement.  Frequently point out her talents, strengths and accomplishments.  Give her credit for her contributions and make sure she knows that she is valued for her ideas, contributions and impact. 

I have learned how to lift others up, build their confidence and shine a spotlight on their accomplishments even when they are too humble to do so themselves.  Personally, my confidence has been shaken many times by the “tear down” test that plays an overly prominent role in high tech teams.  It is predicated on the belief that great ideas come from “tearing down” someone’s idea and picking it apart.  If an idea can withstand the “tear down” test then it must be “good”.  This assumption is flawed.  Ideas become better when we build upon each other’s ideas and offer alternative points of view to examine from all sides.  The effect on the individual who brought forth the idea when faced with the “tear down test” is that it does not just throw question on the credibility of the idea but it can destroy the confidence of the person who brought it forth. 

According a study by Dunning and Ehlinger The Confidence Gap – The Atlantic @Katty Kay and @Claire Shipman share that “men overestimate their abilities and women underestimate their abilities.  Their performances do not differ in quality.”  They also share “Having talent isn’t merely about being competent; confidence is a part of that talent.  You have to have it to excel.”

Women are also more likely to be interrupted and misheard than men in meetings.  As an ally as a counter measure can find opportunities to encourage a woman.  Let her know when she has a good idea, makes a good point, acts in an assertive way.  Assure her of the positive impact she has.  Not coddling, not rescue behavior but genuine positive feedback.

I would like to introduce you to two people who will share their story with you about the impact of these confidence building actions.  My esteemed colleague, Dawn Marie Elder, who is an entrepreneur, technologist, and industry leader. She is currently the General Manager and COO at @SIPPIO leading sales, marketing and channels focused on enabling voice capabilities to increase the value of collaboration solutions allowing partners and carriers to build a healthy recurring revenue practice.  Today, Dawn Marie will share her story of allyship and how it has made a difference in her experience and confidence in building her career.

I would also like to introduce you to her ally, Michael Gorriaran a globally experienced technology sector executive with a 30 year career spanning Microsoft, Xerox and now serving as President of Arjuna Solutions, a Behavioral Economics and Artificial Intelligence services provider helping nonprofits expand their impact.

Both of these individuals have led impressive businesses and hold executive roles.  But we are going to play Monday morning quarterback and take you back to a time in their history when they were just connecting and the road that was paved by Michael’s intention to become an ally for Dawn Marie.

For more insights on how to become an ally, visit dev.mieche.net/gavriella as we share more stories.  And tell us, who are your allies?  What have they done to support you? 

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